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Do you know that the phrase “consolation” is derived from a Greek phrase meaning “to come back alongside and encourage?” God says, “Go consolation my Folks” and asks us to stroll alongside somebody throughout their instances of ache. It’s a profound reminder that true consolation goes past mere phrases.
However that’s not all the time straightforward, is it? Nicholas Walterstorff, a widely known theologian and creator of Lament of a Son, has written, “Let’s face it, grief is simply so messy. We would like the grieving particular person to ‘recover from it,’ or ‘be achieved with it.’ So we are sometimes tempted to hurry in with a fast repair.”
I can relate to this wrestle firsthand. When my fantastic mom handed away on the age of 92, somebody on the funeral house mentioned, “How fantastic, she’s out of her distress, and she or he is with the Lord!” Whereas each of these statements have been true, in that second, I used to be consumed by grief. I wanted to precise my sorrow, my grief.
Trying again at this case, I now perceive that my buddy was attempting to “make” me really feel higher. However at that second, I didn’t want a platitude or a cliché. It could have been far more useful if my buddy had mentioned, “I’m so sorry. I understand how shut you have been to your mother. You will need to really feel very lonely and unhappy.” These feedback would have given me an opportunity to precise, if I needed, a few of my emotions, and I’d have felt that the particular person understood and cared about me.
So, in providing real consolation to somebody who’s struggling, it’s essential to transcend platitudes as a result of they solely provide false consolation. Keep in mind, you don’t need to take away their ache; you solely need to stroll alongside them and supply consolation. As an alternative of speeding in with fast fixes, take the time to really hear and perceive their feelings.
Invite them to precise their emotions and ideas. Allow them to know that you’re there to assist them unconditionally. By avoiding platitudes, you create a secure area for them to share their deepest ache and discover solace in realizing that they’re heard and cared for.
Allow us to try to be the comforting presence that somebody in ache really wants, going past empty phrases and embracing the facility of honest understanding and assist.
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Karen Mulder is the founding father of the Knowledge of the Wounded ministry. She lives in Holland, Michigan together with her husband Larry.
