The Artwork of Being Flawed in a Perfectionist World

“Perfection shouldn’t be attainable, but when we chase perfection, we are able to catch excellence.” ~Vince Lombardi

Okay, let’s be actual for a second. As I sit right here making an attempt to put in writing this excellent essay about embracing imperfection, the irony isn’t misplaced on me. I’ve rewritten this opening paragraph about 5 instances now. Outdated habits die onerous, proper?

Image this: It’s 2:37 p.m. on a Wednesday afternoon. I’m pacing the lecture corridor, watching my regulation college students furiously scribbling away at their examination papers. Their furrowed brows and white-knuckle grips on their pens remind me of, effectively, me, not too way back.

Flashback to my very own regulation faculty days. There I used to be, the quintessential overachiever. Nostril perpetually buried in a casebook, surviving on a weight-reduction plan of espresso and sheer dedication. Excellent grades, excellent internships, excellent profession trajectory—these weren’t simply objectives, they have been my complete id. The stress I placed on myself was so intense, I’m stunned my hair didn’t flip grey by commencement. (Spoiler alert: It’s beginning to now, however I digress.)

Quick-forward to my transition from practising regulation to instructing it. I believed I had all of it found out. Professor Kalyani Abhyankar, the flawless authorized thoughts, right here to form the subsequent era of legal professionals. Ha! If solely I knew what I used to be in for.

It was throughout one significantly “memorable” lecture that my perfectionist facade started to crack. I had spent hours getting ready what I believed was a flawless presentation on constitutional regulation. I used to be on hearth, if I do say so myself, rattling off case citations like a human authorized database. After which it occurred. I blended up two landmark circumstances.

The horror! The disgrace! In that second, I swear I may hear the ghost of Justice Brandeis weeping. I stood there, frozen on the podium, ready for the bottom to swallow me entire.

However then one thing sudden occurred. A scholar raised her hand and requested, “Professor Abhyankar, are you okay?”

And similar to that, the dam broke. All my insecurities got here flooding out in entrance of my class. My concern of not being adequate, the crushing weight of all the time needing to be excellent, the anxiousness that one mistake would unravel my complete profession.

To my utter shock, as a substitute of judgment, I used to be met with… understanding? Empathy, even? One in every of my college students really stated, “Wow, Prof. We all the time thought you have been this untouchable authorized genius. However this… this makes you human. It’s type of inspiring, really.”

Inspiring? Me? The one having a meltdown in entrance of her class? However as I seemed across the room, I noticed nodding heads and relieved faces. It was as if by displaying my very own vulnerability, I had given them permission to be imperfect too.

This was the start of my messy, typically irritating, however finally liberating journey towards embracing imperfection. And let me let you know, it wasn’t a easy experience.

At first, I attempted to schedule “imperfection time” into my day. Sure, you learn that proper. I, Kalyani Abhyankar, recovering perfectionist, tried to excellent the artwork of being imperfect. The irony shouldn’t be misplaced on me, I guarantee you.

There have been setbacks galore. I’d resolve to be extra laid-back in school, solely to search out myself obsessively color-coding my lecture notes at 2 AM. I’d promise myself I wouldn’t overthink my college students’ questions, then spend hours agonizing over whether or not my off-the-cuff reply about tort regulation was complete sufficient.

However slowly, oh so slowly, issues started to shift. I began to concentrate to my classroom with new eyes. I observed how probably the most participating discussions typically arose from questions I couldn’t reply immediately. I noticed how college students realized extra from working by errors than from memorizing excellent responses.

Listed below are among the adjustments I stumbled my approach by:

1. Working towards self-compassion

As a substitute of berating myself for each perceived failure, I attempted to deal with myself with the identical kindness I’d provide a struggling scholar. This meant acknowledging my efforts, whatever the final result. And sure, generally it meant wanting within the mirror and saying, “You’re doing okay, Kalyani,” even after I felt like a complete impostor.

2. Setting real looking objectives

Quite than aiming for an unattainable commonplace of perfection, I realized to set difficult however achievable objectives. This allowed me to have a good time progress and preserve motivation. Novel idea, proper?

3. Embracing the training course of

I began to view errors—each mine and my college students’—not as failures however as beneficial instructing moments. Every setback grew to become a chance to deepen understanding and foster essential pondering. Who knew that “I don’t know, let’s determine it out collectively” could possibly be such highly effective phrases in a classroom?

4. Cultivating a progress mindset

As a substitute of seeing authorized aptitude as mounted, I started to emphasise to my college students (and myself) the capability to develop abilities by effort and apply. This made us all extra prepared to deal with difficult authorized issues, even when we didn’t all the time get it proper the primary time.

5. Letting go of comparability

I spotted that continually measuring myself towards different professors or authorized students was about as productive as making an attempt to show constitutional regulation to my cat. As a substitute, I centered on my distinctive strengths as an educator and mentor.

Now, don’t get me improper. I nonetheless have days the place my inside perfectionist rears its meticulously groomed head. I nonetheless sometimes discover myself up at midnight, agonizing over a single phrase alternative in my lecture notes. Rome wasn’t inbuilt a day, and recovering perfectionists aren’t cured in a single day.

However right here’s the kicker: As I’ve realized to embrace my imperfections, I’ve really develop into a greater professor. Free from the paralysis of perfectionism, I’m extra inventive in my instructing strategies, extra prepared to deal with controversial authorized subjects, and extra open to suggestions from college students and colleagues.

My college students appear to choose this new, barely messier model of Professor Abhyankar. They’re extra engaged, extra prepared to take dangers of their pondering, and—dare I say it—they appear to be having extra enjoyable. Who knew that constitutional regulation may really be pleasing?

To these nonetheless caught within the grip of perfectionism, whether or not in regulation faculty, authorized apply, or some other area, I provide this hard-won knowledge: Your price shouldn’t be decided by flawless efficiency. There’s profound energy in vulnerability, in admitting that you simply’re nonetheless studying and rising.

Embrace your imperfections. They’re not weaknesses to be hidden however distinctive points of who you might be as knowledgeable and human being. Let go of the exhausting chase for perfection and as a substitute, chase progress and authenticity.

In doing so, it’s possible you’ll discover that you simply obtain issues far better than perfection—you obtain a life that’s totally and superbly lived. And if you happen to occur to combine up a couple of Supreme Court docket circumstances alongside the best way? Properly, you’re in good firm.