2024 12 months-Finish Reflection

It is the top of one other 12 months! Like many individuals, I am doing a year-end reflection. As a learner of historical philosophies, I am all the time attempting to enhance myself, to stay life, and to have happiness and peace of thoughts. This 12 months, I’ve 4 main learnings:

All of us simply need to be comfortable in life. However we have to acknowledge that true happiness is totally different from the fleeting pleasure that comes from exterior stimulation (e.g., meals, leisure, gaming, buying, and many others.). Such pleasures are very short-lived, and whereas they are often high-quality sparsely, they’ll additionally result in a slippery slope and create craving afterwards, and craving is a type of struggling. Alternatively, true happiness is long-lasting and nourishing to the thoughts and spirit.

Within the article Domesticate Inside Pleasure, I wrote about 4 sources of long-lasting happiness: having good relationships, serving to others, having a transparent conscience, and seeing our enchancment. Training selflessness and kindness is expounded to all of those.

Furthermore, all our destructive feelings, struggling, and interpersonal conflicts come from an over-focus on I, on what I need however can not get, and on my emotions. The stronger our attachment to I, the larger our struggling. That is why historical philosophers taught us to dampen our self-centeredness and redirect our focus in direction of benefiting others.

For instance, the Buddha mentioned,

Thus, I selected “selflessness” as my one-word theme for 2024, and I attempted to apply Venerable Jing Kong’s educating: “Consider benefiting others with each thought”. In my apply, I observed 5 main methods to domesticate selflessness:

1. Placing others earlier than me and above me (e.g.,  prioritizing others on my to-do checklist, following others’ needs moderately than fussing over all of the small stuff, and giving extra to others)

2. Empathy (after we perceive others, we cannot be upset at them anymore, and we’ll know methods to assist them in a manner that resonates with them)

3. Advising others (be extra well mannered in direction of members of the family; be prepared to undergo the trouble of advising others)

4. Etiquette (being extra thoughtful and respectful within the minute particulars of each day life)

5. Pondering of the larger image (considering long-term and from a number of individuals’s views)

I wrote about these intimately in final week’s publish, My 12 months of Training Selflessness. Via this 12 months’s apply, I now have extra peace of thoughts, extra comfortable relationships (each by way of high quality and amount), a way of contentment that I stay an ethical life, a way of accomplishment from self-improvement, and a sense of confidence that I can resolve conflicts positively.

This 12 months, some mates talked to me about their relationship issues, and this precept got here up again and again: What you concentrate on, grows. The power you give is the power you appeal to again.

Maybe this sounds apparent, however most individuals appear oblivious to it. For instance, most individuals do not suppose their partner is ideal. Most individuals have one thing about their partner (or member of the family, good friend, colleague, and many others.) that they’d like them to alter. What technique do they use?

They complain or criticize. Then the opposite individual will get defensive and argues again. After which the 2 individuals simply blame one another for being cussed and thoughtless. It is a destructive cycle. We do not understand that by complaining and criticizing, we’re giving them destructive power, and that destructive power attracts destructive power from the opposite individual within the type of defensiveness and opposition.

Alternatively, if we will tolerate individuals’s shortcomings, they will not really feel a lot strain round us, as if we’re all the time judging them, they usually will not routinely be on guard round us, as if ready to refute one other grievance from us. This sort of relationship lacks belief, and it is very tiring for each individuals. If we will tolerate others’ shortcomings and sometimes search for their good factors, after which reward their good factors, they may really feel comfy and comfortable round us, they usually’ll be motivated to develop these good factors. That is a constructive cycle.

One other key perception is that we have to domesticate our thoughts such that when others give us destructive power, we do not unconsciously fall into negativity ourselves and instinctively return destructive power again to them. We have now to take care of consciousness of our emotional state and consciously select to return constructive power to them.

For instance, when others complain about us or criticize us, moderately than complain again that they need to first perceive our state of affairs, that they acquired the information unsuitable, that they should not exaggerate, and many others., we have to first discover our emotional state. Are we in a state of destructive power, akin to anger or annoyance? If that’s the case, we have to do not forget that talking in a state of destructive power will solely appeal to extra destructive power from them and ourselves.

Then we have to select to provide constructive power, akin to appreciation and humility. Even when we do not really feel a variety of constructive power in that second, we will at the very least converse what we all know an individual with constructive power would say, and that can carry out our constructive power. For instance, we will say, “I am sorry for making you upset. That is actually not my intention, however the result’s that you’re upset, and I am sorry for that. I respect you attempting to speak with me about this matter, and I need us to each be comfortable and harmonious. I am certain we will remedy this matter with some communication.”

Once they obtain this caring, humble, and calm power from us, they are going to be influenced too. Apology attracts apology, and appreciation attracts appreciation. They may say, “OK, effectively I respect that. Perhaps I overreacted a bit.” Alternatively, if we had mentioned, “You are overreacting!” They might positively argue and say, “No I am not!”

If we need to resolve conflicts, somebody has to change into aware and return destructive power with constructive power. What others do is outdoors our management, so we’ve got to request ourselves, not others. For extra on this matter, try the article What You Focus On Grows.

Our beliefs about human nature are crucial for at the very least two causes: for our shallowness, and for our interpersonal relationships. If we imagine human nature is sweet, then we additionally imagine that we ourselves are good, and we’ll have a greater sense of shallowness. We would not suppose ideas like, “I am not like others. I am horrible. I am trash.” As for relationships, after we imagine human nature is sweet, we’ll naturally search for different individuals’s goodness, and as talked about earlier, what you concentrate on, grows!

Within the sinology program I took this previous 12 months, I realized concerning the historical Chinese language thinker Mencius and his concept on why human nature is sweet. I discovered it to be very insightful, convincing, and helpful. I clarify his concept intimately in my article Why Human Nature Is Good And Its Significance, however I will simply point out some key factors right here.

Firstly, Mencius argues that human nature is sweet in that each individual has what he calls “the 4 sprouts”. These are the pure emotions of compassion, of modesty, of proper and unsuitable, and of disgrace when doing unsuitable, and they don’t seem to be obtained from the skin or by way of considering.

For instance, if we see a younger youngster about to fall right into a effectively, we might naturally really feel a way of apprehension and need to save that youngster. That is the pure feeling of compassion. In that cut up second, we’re not desirous about gaining favor from the kid’s dad and mom or reward from neighbors. If we did not even attempt to save that youngster, we might really feel haunted by our conscience. If we did save the kid and others praised us for it, we’d suppose that our habits was simply the pure and proper factor to do; it is nothing to brag about.

Secondly, Mencius explains that individuals do immoral issues due to environmental influences and an absence of ethical schooling, however their 4 sprouts of goodness will all the time be there and may be drawn out by means of virtuous function fashions and schooling. So if we wish others to be extra form, extra humble, or extra ethical, then we have to set instance for them. Once they see our good function modeling, their sprouts of goodness will develop. But when we’re impatient and insensitive in direction of them, then that is setting a foul function mannequin, and their sprouts of goodness shall be suppressed.

Thirdly, these sprouts of goodness are simply that: sprouts. They want nurturing to change into a robust driving force. We will nurture the 4 sprouts by being attentive to them, holding onto them in our thoughts, performing on them, and present process ethical schooling. By way of sequence, we should always begin by cultivating our sense of affection and respect in direction of the individuals closest to us first (dad and mom and siblings), then lengthen outwards in direction of the remainder of the world. This effort is value it as a result of cultivating goodness provides us peace of thoughts and a simple conscience. This echoes the primary half on selflessness and true happiness.

In abstract, everybody has the potential (sprouts) for goodness. The query is whether or not we nurture these sprouts.

Considered one of my highlights of the 12 months was in the summertime after I had the chance to go to my Conventional Chinese language Medication (TCM) physician at her household’s Chinese language medication hospital in Inside Mongolia for every week. Throughout that point, I acquired to shadow her and different docs, ask a number of questions, and check out all the assorted Chinese language medication remedies supplied on the hospital.

I additionally interviewed many docs in several departments on the hospital, and I requested them about the most typical issues they see in sufferers and the way we will forestall them. I wrote about their recommendation within the article Well being Recommendation From Docs At A Chinese language Medication Hospital, however I will summarize their recommendation right here:

• Posture is essential for our neck and again. Apply good posture.

• After sitting down for some time, rise up and do some fast neck and shoulder workouts.

• Train sufficient.

• Keep away from having AC blow immediately onto your pores and skin, particularly the neck and higher again.

• Eat a wholesome and balanced eating regimen appropriate on your physique structure.

• Wholesome feelings are key to a wholesome physique. Handle destructive feelings, domesticate constructive feelings, and nurture good relationships.

The TCM textbook I am studying additionally emphasizes the impression of emotional well being on our bodily well being, and I wrote about it in my article TCM: Feelings and Well being. TCM explains that anger impacts the liver, overstimulation impacts the center, overthinking impacts the abdomen, disappointment impacts the lungs, and concern impacts the kidneys. The e book advises us to nourish our thoughts by cultivating kindness, having a transparent conscience, and lowering needs. Coincidentally (or not), these TCM recommendation all resonate with what historical philosophers educate! 

After studying these easy suggestions, I now do some fast neck and shoulder stretches at any time when I take a break from working at my desk. Every single day, I’ve additionally been doing quarter-hour a Chinese language train referred to as Baduanjin, which is form of like a Chinese language model of yoga, and it includes stretching and deep respiratory. Moreover, I do 20 minutes of meditation each day to nurture peaceable feelings.

2024 was a bissextile year, and I believe I managed to leap to a better degree this 12 months. Nonetheless, there’s nonetheless a variety of room for enchancment, so I would like to take care of my momentum and sustain the hassle. Onwards and upwards into 2025 we go!