Just lately, I have been considering lots in regards to the Chinese language time period 順 (pronounced “shwun”), which will be translated to many English phrases, together with stream, following their needs, yielding, in accordance with, easy, unobstructed, being in the identical route. The other of 順 can be obstruction, stagnation, resistance, opposition.
Easy stream is extraordinarily essential. If our blood stream or air stream turn out to be obstructed, our lives can be in peril. If our feelings get obstructed, we would really feel unhealthy, like there’s one thing caught inside. If this obstruction and repression accumulates, our feelings both explode sooner or later or create psychological sickness. If communication does not stream easily, misunderstandings and conflicts come up. If communication is totally obstructed, then that relationship is in jeopardy.
Previously, I used to assume that after we encounter obstacles in life, we have to discover methods to take away or destroy that impediment. This sort of perspective is considered one of opposition and resistance, which is “non-flow”.
Later, I learn this quote by the Daoist sage Lao Zi in Chapter 8 of the Dao De Jing:
The best good [i.e. most excellent of] human beings resemble water.
Water excels at nourishing the ten thousand issues (all issues) and doesn’t cope with them.
As a result of it resides in locations everybody detests, it stays closest to the Dao.
In residing it excels at selecting the best place,
its coronary heart excels at preserving calmness and tranquility,
in interacting with others, it excels in sincerity and kindness,
in talking it excels at remaining true to its phrase,
in governing it excels at dealing with its affairs effectively,
in its dealings it excels at profiting from its sturdy fits,
in its actions it excels at greedy alternatives.
It’s only as a result of it has the advantage of not participating in contending that there will likely be no condemnation.
(Translation by Guyin Chen in The Annotated Vital Laozi, 2020)
There’s a variety of info in that passage, and I beforehand wrote about this passage in one other article referred to as The Supreme Goodness is Like Water. On this article, I wish to do a “deep dive” on water’s distinctive potential to “stream”.
When water encounters an impediment, like a rock, it merely flows across the impediment. In consequence, neither the water nor the rock will get damage. This can be a fully completely different mindset than my earlier one. Obstacles are exterior issues and other people, and they’re exterior our management. Simply because we wish to take away or destroy an impediment does not imply we truly can.
After we need one thing however cannot get it, we turn out to be caught. We cease flowing. It is analogous to being blocked by a rock as a result of we ourselves are inflexible and stiff like a rock. When rock collides towards rock, what occurs? Everybody will get damage. Possibly even harmless bystanders get damage by collateral injury, by the items that come flying out from the collision. That is analogous to us wanting somebody or one thing to be completely different, however the exterior impediment refuses to grant our want, after which we get pissed off and offended, destroying our personal peace of thoughts and dumping unfavorable vitality onto others. That’s fairly depressing, no?
So then the massive query is, how can we emulate water and proceed flowing regardless of obstacles? The Chinese language time period 順 and Lao Zi’s quote from earlier give us many insights. We have to observe
1: Observe Others’ Needs (Go With Their Stream)
As talked about earlier than, 順 means to observe others’ needs, to yield to them, to accord with them, to go in the identical route as them. If we go together with the theme of water, we will consider it as “going with their stream” moderately than “going towards their stream”.
Lao Zi’s quote from earlier mentioned water has “the advantage of not participating in contending”. Which means if others need one thing that goes towards my needs, I do not really feel the need to struggle with them. As an alternative, I can yield and observe their needs (no less than within the short-term). On this approach, there isn’t a competition, no collision.
This philosophical capsule is perhaps a little bit of a tough one to swallow for many people. We would assume, “Significantly? I simply must yield and concede defeat and allow them to win?” If we predict like that, our feelings will turn out to be blocked, and we’ll both explode or turn out to be mentally ailing over the long-term. That is misinterpreting Lao Zi’s which means.
“Following others’ needs” is on the extent of habits. On a deeper degree, on the degree of our thoughts and intentions, we have to incorporate the virtues of softness, humility, kindness, tranquility, and tact. When the matter is not a giant deal, which is more often than not, we have to observe going with their stream. When the matter is really a giant deal, then we have to observe going with their stream for the time-being, after which redirecting their stream tactfully sooner or later. On this approach, we’ll at all times be flowing.
2: Be Comfortable and Supple
In Chapter 76 of the Dao De Jing, Lao Zi mentioned,
When persons are alive, their our bodies are gentle and supple, when they’re useless they turn out to be inflexible and stiff.
When grasses and woods are rising, their form and substance are gentle and crisp; after they die, they turn out to be dry and withered.
So, sturdy and agency issues belong to the identical class as useless issues, gentle and supple issues belong to the identical class as dwelling issues.
Thus, stubbornly utilizing troopers (or resorting to arms) will invite extermination and loss of life; timber which are giant and strong invite slicing.
Every part that’s sturdy and enormous does, paradoxically, belong to the decrease positions; and every thing that’s gentle and supple does, paradoxically, belong to the upper positions.
(Translation by Guyin Chen in The Annotated Vital Laozi, 2020)
In different phrases, if we would like to have the ability to stream like water, we have to observe being gentle and supple. When the physique is gentle, supple, and versatile, it will probably stand up to exterior drive with out breaking.
Equally, when the thoughts is gentle, supple, and versatile, it will probably deal with unsatisfactory issues and other people with out changing into pissed off, upset, or harassed, and that is true “successful” as a result of we’re in “the class of dwelling issues” and “paradoxically belong to the upper positions”.
If as an alternative, we have now a cussed character, and we attempt to use energy and drive to get what we would like, to drive issues and other people to obey us, then as Lao Zi says, we “paradoxically belong to the decrease positions” and can “invite extermination and loss of life”.
Being gentle and supple is to be adaptable and versatile. There’s a nice Stoic instructing from Marcus Aurelius that resonates with Lao Zi’s instructing:
“Whereas it is true that somebody can impede our actions, they cannot impede our intentions and our attitudes, which have the ability of being conditional and adaptable. For the thoughts adapts and converts any impediment to its motion into a way of attaining it. That which is an obstacle to motion is turned to advance motion. The impediment on the trail turns into the best way.”
To offer an analogy, our GPS system could be very adaptable. After we enter a vacation spot, the GPS calculates the most effective route for us. If there is a street closure and we have to take a special route, or if we merely select to take a special route, the GPS does not complain or agonize about surprising issues. It promptly recalculates one other route for us that permits us to get to the identical vacation spot.
In abstract, the supple and adaptable thoughts resides and flowing. The inflexible and cussed thoughts is dying and obstructed.
3: Be Humble
Lao Zi noticed that water resides within the low locations that “everybody detests”. This symbolizes humility. Solely conceited folks would assume that they’re “above” others, that others ought to obey them, that the world facilities round them, or that they’re undoubtedly proper and others are undoubtedly flawed.
Many people would possibly assume, “I am not that conceited“. Conceitedness has levels. Even when we often respect others and do not look down on others, if we encounter battle and are unwilling to yield, that reveals we nonetheless have a point of conceitedness. Realistically talking, everybody has the behavior of being conceited to a point, form of like how so many individuals have the behavior of slouching. Oftentimes, we aren’t even conscious of it till somebody factors it out to us.
A humble individual views others as “above” them, and they also have respect for everybody.
To be clear, this doesn’t actually imply everyone seems to be above us by way of their place. For instance, dad and mom are clearly above youngsters, lecturers are clearly above college students, leaders are above followers, and many others. However even ready of upper energy, we should maintain a humble perspective, and which means specializing in bettering myself moderately than on demanding others or the surroundings to alter.
“When strolling with two different folks, I’ll at all times discover a trainer amongst them. I concentrate on those that are good and search to emulate them, and concentrate on those that are unhealthy as a way to be reminded of what must be modified in myself.”
(Translation by Edward Slingerland in Confucius Analects, 2003)
After we maintain a humble perspective, we not get pissed off and obstructed by issues and individuals who go towards our needs. Why? As a result of we’re targeted on how we can enhance ourselves, which is completely in our management, moderately than on how the exterior matter or individual must be completely different, which is exterior our management.
When humble folks encounter issues, they do not assume, “Ugh, why am I so unfortunate? Why is nothing going my approach?“. They could assume, “I am not the king of the world. It is regular for issues to not go in accordance with my needs. However I can study and enhance myself from this. That is vital observe for me to enhance my adaptability and resourcefulness.“
When humble folks encounter conflicts with others, they do not assume, “You must hearken to me!” They could assume, “They’re my trainer. They’re instructing me to note my very own faults. If I view them as cussed and thoughtless, then I in all probability am the identical. In spite of everything, it takes two to argue. I have to right myself, not demand them to alter. As quickly as I modify, I achieve a way of ease and peace of thoughts.“
Or they may assume, “They’re instructing me to note my triggers. If they’ll so simply anger me by mentioning that subject, then that is my drawback. If I would like true freedom and peace of thoughts, I have to resolve my inside issues moderately than at all times demand others to not speak about it.”
In consequence, a humble individual is ready to easily stream round all obstacles whereas bettering themselves within the course of. Regardless of their enchancment, they at all times assume that they nonetheless reside in a low place, thereby enabling their continued stream and progress. For extra on humility, take a look at the article Fortune Favors The Humble.
4: Maintain Form Intentions
The aim of following others’ needs must be to make them completely satisfied. Holding the intention to make others completely satisfied is kindness. Lao Zi mentioned that “water excels at nourishing all issues“; that is additionally kindness.
Some folks would possibly assume, “Why ought to I let go of what I wish to make others completely satisfied? Is not that going to make me sad? Is not sacrificing myself for others unsustainable?“
If we actually imagine that we’re sacrificing ourselves for others, then we’ll certainly be sad, and our feelings will really feel blocked, and we’ll explode later or get psychological sickness. This might be misinterpreting Lao Zi’s which means.
Give it some thought: If we turn out to be completely satisfied on the expense of others’ happiness, how lengthy are you able to stay completely satisfied? How lengthy will or not it’s earlier than others attempt to get again at you? If the folks round you’re sad, can you actually really feel completely satisfied and never be affected by their unfavorable vitality?
Alternatively, if we assist others be completely satisfied, they’d be very grateful to us, and they might give us optimistic vitality. People have the pure tendency to really feel good after serving to others. Subsequently, serving to others be completely satisfied is really serving to ourselves to be completely satisfied.
Practising kindness additionally helps us to dampen our ego and our cussed attachment to I, to what I need, to what I assume. This cussed attachment to I is the basis of our struggling and conflicts, and training “selflessness” (no I) is essential to dampening that attachment.
The observe of kindness enhances the observe of humility. Generally, after we assist others, we have now this perspective of “I am serving to you”, as if they’re in a low place and wish our assist, and we’re in a excessive place with the ability to assist them or not. If we have now this sort of perspective, then the opposite individual might really feel disrespected and sad. Subsequently, we have to do not forget that actual kindness is humble.
After we maintain the intention of kindness, it is onerous to get obstructed by others. In the event that they don’t like one thing, we’ll merely search for a special strategy to profit them. We go together with their stream moderately than crash into them.
5: Be Tactful and Grasp Alternatives
By now, some persons are in all probability questioning, “What if what they need is unhealthy for them? What if what they need is absolutely unreasonable? What if I actually can not give them what they need?“
Even in these conditions, it is definitely not useful if we’re cussed, inflexible, and struggle with them. That may be rock colliding towards rock. Though we’d not have the ability to grant them their want, we will nonetheless “go together with their stream” and “waft of the state of affairs” in the interim, after which later redirect their stream tactfully. It is form of like in martial arts, in the event that they throw a punch in our route, we do not push in the other way. As an alternative, we dodge it, then we take their fist and redirect it to a special route (that is my creativeness of martial arts anyway).
For instance, as an instance you and your companion are planning for the winter holidays. Your companion actually desires the 2 of you to go on a trip to Japan. Nonetheless, you actually do not assume it is a good suggestion as a result of it is costly, time-consuming, you guys do not know Japanese, and also you’re simply not that enthusiastic about Japan. You’d a lot moderately go to someplace close by and low cost for a shorter period of time.
If you two are discussing, they carry up Japan. You needn’t settle for their suggestion instantly; in case you have a special thought, it is definitely effective to suggest it. Simply suggest it in a peaceful and non-confrontational approach. For instance, we’d say, “I can see you are very enthusiastic about Japan, however I would like someplace nearer and cheaper. I would like a brief and candy trip close by. Would you be OK with that?“
Now think about they are saying, “We at all times go someplace shut and low cost. I have been speaking about Japan for therefore a few years now! Cannot you simply go together with me and take a look at it?“
We will clearly see that they’re upset. In different phrases, they’ve turn out to be inflexible and stiff like a rock. If we additionally turn out to be like a rock, we’ll collide with them, and everybody will get damage. So we do not wish to reply with annoyance and say, “That is as a result of Japan is exterior our funds and time! Moreover, if we journey someplace, it must be someplace we each wish to go, not simply you alone!“
When the opposite individual is like rock, we have to emulate water. We have to go together with their stream and quickly observe their needs. We will reply by saying, “Oh I am sorry for making you’re feeling pissed off. You are proper, I ought to give it some extra critical thought. How about we each do some extra analysis into the prices and time of the journey to see how possible it’s?“
The aim of doing it is because we all know that of their present psychological state of opposition, they can not settle for our standpoint; they’re going to simply discover each cause to claim their view. Furthermore, if we would like them to hearken to us, then we additionally have to hearken to them. In any other case, they’re going to really feel it is unfair that they at all times must yield to us and we by no means yield to them. Subsequently, we quickly go together with their stream and waft of the state of affairs. Later, after they’ve calmed down (and after we’re calm), then we tactfully redirect their stream.
For instance, we go and search for some flight tickets. We would say, “I seemed for round-trip flights, and there actually is not any that’s inside our funds. I additionally seemed up some main sights, and they’re unfold out over a number of cities, so we’d not have the time to see all of them. For the cash we would spend on a couple of days in Japan, we may pay an entire month of payments. What do you assume?“
At this level, they’re much much less more likely to oppose us or get upset as a result of we have adopted their route and really put in effort to satisfy their want. Since they don’t seem to be upset proper now, they’ll hearken to cause higher, so we simply convey up these goal details and ask them to rethink.
One other approach of redirecting their stream is to search out different methods to allow them to have what they need, however in a approach that’s extra affordable and possible. For instance, let’s imagine,
“You already know what, you are proper. You’ve got been speaking about Japan for a couple of years now, and as your companion, I actually ought to strive more durable that will help you fulfill this dream. This yr, I did not put together sufficient. Now that I understand how essential that is to you, how about subsequent yr, we save $200 each month by consuming out much less and slicing out that Netflix subscription, after which on the finish of the yr, we use the cash saved to go to Japan? Since we won’t go this yr, how about we do an anime marathon day as an alternative? I am going to accompany you to look at your favourite anime for an entire day.“
Or you may seize the chance to make a deal. For instance,
“I do know you actually wish to go to Japan, and you recognize I do not actually wish to. However such as you mentioned, companions ought to assist fulfill one another’s needs. How about we make a deal? Should you agree to scrub the dishes subsequent yr and save $100 per 30 days, I am going to comply with go to Japan with you on the finish of subsequent yr.“
In relation to yielding, one other essential issue to think about is who performs the lead position and who performs the assist position. The lead position ought to get extra decision-making energy as a result of they’re within the driver seat, and so they must bear a lot of the penalties. It will be inappropriate for somebody within the passenger seat to intervene with the motive force by attempting to seize the steer wheel. Nonetheless, the lead position ought to nonetheless strive their finest to be type and affected person in serving to these within the assist roles to just accept the choice.
For instance, my grandmother acquired injured just lately and was in a variety of ache, so she wished to get some western drugs injections to scale back the ache. After we searched up that injection, we learn that it is only a short-term bandage resolution, and that the ache will come again later, and the injection has unhealthy unintended effects.
My dad and mom and I attempted to influence her to see a Chinese language drugs physician along with western drugs. She refused and was insistent that Chinese language drugs will not be of use and that it is a waste of cash. We mentioned we will pay for the remedies. She nonetheless refused.
My dad later referred to as a Chinese language drugs physician buddy and requested my grandma to speak to him. After the decision, she acquired very offended and instructed my dad to drop the concept of Chinese language drugs. I then mentioned it with my dad, and we determined to simply observe her want. Why? As a result of she is within the driver seat of her life. We play supporting roles within the passenger seats. It will be inappropriate for us to drive her to do one thing she does not wish to do even when we predict it is good for her.
Think about if we compelled her to get Chinese language drugs remedy. She’ll be very resentful. Even when she will get higher, she’ll assume it may’ve been higher with out the Chinese language drugs remedy. And if an issue arises in the course of the Chinese language drugs remedy, that’d be fireplace on prime of fireside. So although we actually hope she may add some Chinese language drugs remedy with the western drugs remedy, we in the end nonetheless must go together with her stream as a result of she is the lead position.
But when she experiences unfavorable unintended effects later, we will then seize the chance to convey up the concept of Chinese language drugs once more in a form and humble method. Furthermore, we already acquired recommendation on what kind of meals she ought to and mustn’t eat in her state of affairs, and we will prepare dinner these kinds of meals for her. That is giving her Chinese language drugs remedy with no need to spend cash on herbs or to see a Chinese language drugs physician.
The methods to observe tact and redirecting their stream are limitless. The essential factor is to know the essence of all these examples, which is to be adaptable, supple, humble, and type. Yet one more essential issue wanted is knowledge, and knowledge comes from tranquility.
6: Preserve Tranquility
Lao Zi mentioned that water “excels at preserving calmness and tranquility.” If we would like to have the ability to consider sensible and tactful options to our issues, we have now to observe sustaining a psychological state of calmness and tranquility. Give it some thought: who has a transparent and rational thoughts when they’re overly emotional?
There are numerous methods to domesticate tranquility. A technique is to have a day by day meditation observe, and I clarify this extra in my article Meditation Is Value It. By meditating day by day, we observe sustaining a state of calm and tranquility each in the course of the meditation and in day by day life.
Furthermore, all of the virtues talked about earlier all assist us to domesticate tranquility. After we observe adaptability and softness, then after we encounter obstacles, we do not assume, “Ugh I am so irritated! Why is that this occurring to me!” As an alternative, we will stay calm and assume, “Obstacles are regular. How can I adapt to this?“
After we observe humility, we’ll assume, “What can I study from this? How can I enhance myself from this?“
After we observe kindness and selflessness, we’ll assume, “Their happiness is my happiness. I have to dampen my ego and prioritize concord.“
It is also essential to maintain the long-term perspective in thoughts. We will yield within the short-term to realize a better aim within the longer-term. That is going with their stream within the short-term and redirecting their stream later.
Conclusion
There is a Chinese language idiom that goes,
“The unsatisfactory issues in life make up eighty to ninety p.c.”
In different phrases, easy crusing (or flowing) in life will not be the norm. For many of us, encountering obstruction and resistance is the norm. Issues do not go in accordance with our needs, and other people do not behave in accordance with our expectations. That is referring to the regularity of exterior obstacles.
However is our inside stream depending on exterior stream? As we have seen, if we’re inflexible and stiff, then we’ll continuously turn out to be obstructed, each emotionally and by way of the matter. But when we will emulate water, our thoughts will likely be supple and adaptable, and we will freely stream round all these obstacles.
When the impediment is one other individual, it is essential to “go together with their stream” and “waft of the state of affairs”. This doesn’t suggest begrudgingly yielding to them. Reasonably, we domesticate our suppleness, humility, kindness, and knowledge by the method of going with their stream.
Normally, the issues aren’t a giant deal, so it is much more in order that we should always go together with their stream. On the uncommon event that the matter is a giant deal, and we’re assured that they’ve the flawed thought, then we won’t maintain going with their stream. We have to advise them. In the event that they refuse to pay attention, then we yield in that second, and we await a greater time to attempt to redirect their stream with tact.
We additionally want to think about who’s the lead position right here. If they’re the lead position, then our job is just to advise, to not make the choice. If after listening to our recommendation, they nonetheless insist on their approach, then we should always yield as a result of they’re those chargeable for the results, in order that they get the decision-making energy.
If we’re within the lead position, then we get the ultimate say, however we nonetheless have to do our greatest to be type and affected person in persuading these within the assist position; in any other case, there will likely be extra obstacles sooner or later. Whereas how others really feel and what others do is exterior our management, so long as we all know we tried our greatest to be type and respectful, we will have peace of thoughts and be comfortable.
How are you going to have extra stream in your life?
