State Over Circumstance Preface: We’ve Been Right here Earlier than
By Mark Pifer, writer of She Seeks Herself
This idea is central to many non secular and philosophical traditions. Whereas particular person parts of this dialogue have been explored individually, this essay goals to current a definitive argument—bringing collectively psychology, science, and sensible utility as an example why our inside state issues way over exterior circumstances.
And as one in all my college students aptly identified years in the past, the job of a Guru is to repeat themselves… repeat themselves…
We do that as a result of typically, the message doesn’t land the primary time. Or the second. Or the fiftieth. So we strive once more—new phrases, new angles—till, lastly, one thing clicks.
And with out all that repetition, let’s be trustworthy—I’d be out of a job.
Introduction: The Phantasm of Management
We spend a lot of our lives believing that peace, happiness, and achievement are depending on exterior circumstances. We predict that if we will management our surroundings, safe success, or keep away from ache, we are going to lastly really feel comfy. But, regardless of how a lot we manipulate situations, the identical cycle repeats—pleasure stays fleeting, struggling persists, and new challenges all the time come up.
However what if the issue isn’t our circumstances in any respect? What if the true subject is our state—our inside relationship to what’s?
Think about two folks caught in site visitors. One rages towards the delay, gripping the wheel, seething on the wasted time. The opposite listens to music, breathes, and accepts the truth of the second. The circumstance is similar, however the expertise is vastly totally different. Why? As a result of circumstances don’t create struggling—our state does.
If that is true, then the one actual path to peace is studying to grasp our state relatively than endlessly combating our circumstances.
Psychology: Why We Cling to Circumstance
The human thoughts is wired for survival, not peace. It continuously scans for threats, satisfied that controlling exterior situations will guarantee security. This intuition served our ancestors nicely in harmful environments, however in fashionable life, it creates an limitless cycle of fear, resistance, and dissatisfaction.
The mind’s negativity bias:
- We naturally focus extra on potential risks than constructive experiences.
- This makes us cling to the phantasm that controlling the exterior world will carry safety.
Cognitive distortions reinforce attachment to circumstances:
- Black-and-white considering: “If this example doesn’t go my approach, all the things is ruined.”
- Emotional reasoning: “As a result of I really feel anxious, one thing have to be fallacious.”
- Management fallacy: “If I strive arduous sufficient, I could make all the things end up the best way I would like.”
The paradox of management:
- The extra we chase management over circumstances, the extra powerless we really feel.
- Actual energy isn’t in management, however in selecting how we reply.
Science: Why We Are At all times Behind Actuality
The “Already Seen Movie” Impact
(Initially mentioned in my e-book Wherever However Right here*)*
Think about watching a film you’ve already seen. You understand precisely what’s coming subsequent, so that you don’t get misplaced in resisting the plot. Even when tragic moments unfold, you may step again, figuring out the way it all performs out.
What if we instructed you that your total life expertise is like that film—that all the things you understand has already occurred by the point you sense it?
The velocity of notion creates a delay:
- Gentle, sound, and contact all take time to achieve the mind.
- Even electrical impulses within the nervous system journey at finite speeds.
- By the point you register an occasion, it has already occurred.
You might be all the time reacting to the previous:
- Each second you expertise has already unfolded earlier than you turn into conscious of it.
- Resisting what’s does nothing—it’s like making an attempt to vary a film that’s already been filmed.
The one actual alternative is state:
- Since notion is all the time a step behind actuality, our solely energy is in how we meet every second.
- Combating the previous is futile; surrendering to what’s offers us entry to actual intelligence.
As a substitute of resisting the inevitable, we will, like a viewer of a well-known movie, let go and easily witness life because it unfolds.
The Futility of Performing Highly effective in a Powerless State of affairs
Many individuals imagine that energy comes from dominance—controlling outcomes, forcing circumstances to vary, or projecting energy. However actual energy is present in adaptability, not management.
Contemplate three frequent however futile makes an attempt at energy:
Arguing with actuality:
- “This shouldn’t be taking place!”
- But it surely already is. Resisting it solely provides struggling to an unchangeable reality.
Desperation disguised as energy:
- Attempting to control or power outcomes solely tightens struggling’s grip.
- The strongest particular person within the room isn’t the one who fights hardest however the one who can stay calm and centered.
Leaders who cling to manage as a substitute of adapting:
- Historical past is full of leaders who collapsed as a result of they clung to a false sense of management as a substitute of adapting to what was.
Once we let go of the phantasm of management, we don’t turn into weaker—we turn into more practical.
Sensible Purposes: Shifting from Circumstance to State
If we will’t management circumstances, what can we do? We practice our state. Right here’s how:
Acknowledge the phantasm of management.
- Ask: What can I truly change? What am I resisting?
- If a course correction is now not obtainable, let it go. Whether it is, align first—with out resistance—so your response is evident and efficient.
Use the physique to shift the thoughts.
- Breathwork, presence, and rest methods calm the nervous system.
- A relaxed physique results in a peaceful state.
Apply mindfulness & detachment.
- Discover ideas with out believing them.
- Shift from problem-focus to presence-focus.
Prioritize state over response.
- Earlier than reacting, pause.
- Select peace first, then act.
Give up to what’s.
- Ask: What would this second really feel like if I ended resisting it?
- See what occurs once you let go of the combat.
Conclusion
We regularly imagine we’re in management, however in actuality, we aren’t even in sync with the pure circulation of the universe by our notion. The whole lot we expertise has already occurred by the point we turn into conscious of it. The idea that we will form actuality by resistance is an phantasm—our actual energy lies in aligning with what’s, relatively than combating what was.
Name to Motion
If you end up resisting what’s, pause. Earlier than reacting, realign with actuality. Once we transfer from acceptance relatively than resistance, our actions circulation with actuality as a substitute of towards it. The extra we align, the more practical we turn into.
“Let go or be dragged.” – Zen Proverb
