What I Discovered When My Mind and Physique Shut Down

“Nearly every little thing will work once more for those who unplug it for a couple of minutes, together with you.” ~Anne Lamott

I used to consider that success meant at all times being obtainable. At all times saying sure. At all times responding instantly to emails, Slack pings, texts, no matter was thrown my means. As a result of if I ended—even for a second—I’d fall behind. And if I wasn’t working tougher than everybody else, was I even working exhausting sufficient?

For years, that mindset labored. Or so I assumed. Each win, each promotion, each new milestone felt like including gasoline to the hearth. The extra I ‘succeeded’ by society’s requirements—the title, the profession, the monetary stability—the extra I pushed myself to do extra, to be extra.

My perfectionism kicked in, too. I didn’t simply need to succeed; I needed to be good at every little thing—profession, management, motherhood, marriage, friendships. And I by no means eliminated something from my plate—I simply stored stacking it greater.

I climbed the company ladder, grew to become the primary feminine VP in a 300-person advertising org at a Fortune 500 firm, and checked each success field that ought to have made me really feel achieved. However as a substitute of feeling fulfilled, I felt… empty. Exhausted. Like I used to be working on fumes however too scared to cease.

After which someday, my physique gave me no alternative however to cease. It wasn’t a gradual fade or a warning signal I might ignore—it was like somebody pulled the plug. I went from a high-functioning overachiever to somebody who couldn’t even kind a sentence with out feeling mentally drained.

Not simply stress. Not simply exhaustion. A full-body, full-brain shutdown. Emails didn’t make sense. Conversations felt like static. I couldn’t course of ideas.

My mind hit the off swap, and I didn’t know learn how to flip it again on. I sat at my desk, observing my display screen, and for the primary time in my life, I bodily couldn’t push by means of.

That second scared me greater than something.

5 years earlier than my full breakdown, I had already been on a collision course. In that brief span of time, I grew to become a mom, bought promoted to director, took on extra groups and tasks, misplaced my sister and grandmother, and moved into a brand new home—which promptly caught fireplace.

However I nonetheless stored pushing, nonetheless stored performing, as a result of slowing down wasn’t an possibility. Till my physique made it one.

I keep in mind sitting in my automobile after work, gripping the steering wheel, staring blankly forward. I had nothing left.

It wasn’t simply exhaustion; it was one thing deeper, one thing that made me really feel like I had misplaced management over my very own thoughts and physique. I had constructed my complete identification on being productive, on being the go-to individual, the one who at all times delivered.

However now I had nothing left to offer. And I had no thought learn how to repair it.

What I Discovered from My Breaking Level

However how did I get to that time?

How did I’m going from thriving on the hustle to fully shutting down?

Trying again, the indicators had been all there—I simply ignored them.

The late nights, the skipped meals, the creeping exhaustion I stored dismissing as ‘simply a part of the job.’ My physique had been warning me for years, and I didn’t pay attention. Till I had no alternative.

That breaking level compelled me to ask myself one thing I had spent my complete life avoiding:

What am I chasing, and at what price?

Right here’s what lastly made me notice I couldn’t maintain going like this (and what I want I had discovered earlier than I hit all-time low):

1. Relaxation isn’t a reward. It’s a requirement.

For the longest time, I assumed sleeping extra would repair every little thing. I watched a MasterClass with Dr. Matt Walker (a sleep skilled) and realized all about chronotypes—morning larks vs. evening owls. I knew I used to be a morning lark, so I figured, Nice, I’ll simply get to mattress earlier, and that ought to do it!

Besides, it didn’t.

I’d lie there at evening, my physique nonetheless, however my mind working marathons.

Did I give my kiddo his medicine?
Did somebody feed the canine?
Is my staff member feeling higher after being out sick?
Crap, I forgot to maneuver the laundry. Now I’ve two selections: go away it and take care of the stink tomorrow, or drag myself off the bed to repair it.

That’s once I realized that relaxation isn’t nearly sleep. It’s about giving your thoughts and physique an actual reset.

I discovered that once I frolicked in my backyard, I had extra endurance with others.

I picked up crocheting for the primary time in twenty-five years, making beanies like my life relied on it. They had been lovable—and it introduced me a peace I hadn’t felt in years.

I began enjoying board video games with my children, laughing across the desk as a substitute of speeding them to mattress simply so I might soar again on-line and “get forward.”

For years, I handled parenting like a accountability (which, to be truthful, it’s), however I by no means simply let time be. Every part had been a job to finish, a schedule to comply with. However slowing down, being current, laughing with my household—THAT felt like true relaxation.

Relaxation isn’t nearly stopping. It’s about resetting in a means that really fuels you.

2. Ambition and stability can co-exist.

Let’s be actual—I’m nonetheless a piece in progress relating to boundaries. However one of many largest shifts I made was realizing that every little thing in life is a season.

I used to overthink each choice. Saying no felt heavy, like I used to be closing a door without end. However as soon as I began considering in seasons, every little thing modified.

As an alternative of “no,” I began saying “not proper now.” This made boundaries really feel lighter and simpler to stay to.
I bought clear on my non-negotiables. If one thing crammed my cup, it bought precedence time. If one thing drained me? It was time to let it go.

For years, I used to be the sort of chief who stated issues like “I help your choice” when somebody wanted break day—however the undertone was at all times “however we actually want you right here.” The unstated stress to overwork was actual.

Now, I construct my life round individuals who encourage me to spend money on myself—not simply help it, however push me to do it. And that makes all of the distinction.

3. If stopping feels scary, that’s an indication you have to cease.

I used to be terrified to decelerate. I had constructed my complete fame on:

✔ At all times being obtainable (Praised!)
✔ At all times performing on the prime (Praised!)
✔ Dwelling each side of hustle tradition (Praised!).

It was my identification. So, if I ended… who even was I?

What if I had labored my butt off for nothing?
What if individuals stopped seeing me as “profitable”—would they suppose I used to be a failure?

I’m nonetheless on this transition, and actually, it’s nonetheless scary. However leaning into the unknown is a part of redefining success. That’s what makes it really feel much less terrifying.

I used to consider success = standing, energy, cash.
Now, I see success as one thing greater—well being, pleasure, presence.

And whereas I gained’t fake it’s straightforward, I can inform you this: it’s value it.

What This Means for You

When you’re studying this, questioning why—regardless of all of your effort—you continue to really feel exhausted, caught, or empty… I get it. I’ve sat in that very same place, working on fumes, satisfied that pushing tougher was the reply. But it surely’s not. It by no means was.

You don’t have to interrupt earlier than you begin making adjustments. Small shifts—pausing, setting boundaries, rethinking what success really means—can prevent from ever reaching that breaking level.

Take the break now. Reclaim your power now. Redefine success now. As a result of the life you need isn’t ready in your subsequent achievement—it’s ready on you to cease working lengthy sufficient to really reside it.