aka: Extremely-dropping the Ball
(initially streamed through the Covid pandemic)
Welcome to Thursday evening with Deconstructing Your self. Let’s start, as typical, with some samatha. Final week we did an entire hour of simply shamatha, respiration and enjoyable. Tonight, we’ll return to our regular set-up, after which do some enjoyable, fascinating stuff as soon as we get ourselves within the zone. So, first we’ll do some shamatha, simply respiration and enjoyable, and focusing. A giant a part of samatha is having fun with it, and having fun with the pleasantness. You gained’t go to Buddhist hell for having fun with your meditation. It’s completely wonderful to have nice emotions within the physique, and have nice feelings after we’re doing shamatha.
Get in a pleasant posture. I need you to really feel confidence on this meditation. This isn’t about getting it proper, not about some method that you must chew via 100 miles of damaged glass to get appropriate. That is one thing that’s value doing at each stage, proper or mistaken, good or unhealthy, simply have faith, have openness, a slight sense of playfulness. This isn’t the top of the world, a minimum of not tonight whereas we’re meditating. So, let’s simply settle into the posture, and permit the physique to chill out and change into very nonetheless. One of many issues I’ve you do–usually we do the deep stomach respiration. This stills the physique and passifies the thoughts, and, in case you do it for 10-Quarter-hour, you’ll begin to really feel some nice buzzy, tingling within the physique, what we would name power. That’s nonetheless along with the stillness, only a nice, yummy, shiny power. Nearly like in case you took an superior sizzling bathe, and also you stepped out of the bathe and your complete physique is type of buzzing on the pores and skin. In the event you do deep stomach respiration for 10-Quarter-hour, you’ll get that buzzing physique power, very nice, very enjoyable, and straightforward to give attention to.
So, for now, we’re doing deep stomach respiration. Lengthy deep in-breath–to a stage that’s comfy for you–then an extended out-breath. Let’s do this for a short time.
Now that you’re respiration and enjoyable and settling in, I need you to permit the muscle tissues of the eyes to launch and chill out and let go, so the eyes change into fully relaxed and nonetheless. They is perhaps flickering round a bit, however you’re not trying round inside your closed eyelids. They’re simply nonetheless, relaxed, no stress in any respect. You may take a look at for stress by attempting to open them. In the event you can’t, it’s as a result of they’re so relaxed you would need to tense them as much as open them. So get them to the purpose the place you may’t open them with out tensing them again up. Then enable the cheek muscle tissues, your lips, your mouth to chill out, and your decrease jaw to open simply sufficient in order that your higher and decrease enamel are usually not touching, and your chin is barely tucked. That opens the again of the neck in a really nice approach. I need you to really feel this relaxed stillness in your face. The entire face getting kinda melty, comfortable and relaxed, the scalp releasing. Any of the muscle tissues of the again of the pinnacle or ears, or anyplace within the mouth, fully launched, and the tongue floating within the mouth, as if it have been a lingual zeppelin.
Good. Now, let’s chill out the neck and throat and shoulders. Permitting that area to only launch and let go and change into comfortable. The shoulders rolling again and opening up, and permitting the higher arms, elbows, forearms, arms and fingers and thumbs to go limp, as if they’d been stung by Shelob of Lord of the Rings. They go as limp as a boned fish, they usually simply chill out and let go. No stress anyplace in arms or face, simply open and straightforward with a nice straightforward power, type of melting, opening, releasing, a type of comfortable glow. Really feel your higher physique as if it have been a pat of melting butter. Persevering with to breathe and focus. Discover how the breath can co-mingle with this nice power within the physique, and change into absolutely confounded, confabulate collectively. The breath may be inflicting the intense, sparkly power within the physique, and this nice, relaxed, open power within the physique appears to be making the respiration occur. There’s this excellent symbiosis between these two components.
Now, discover that the higher chest relaxes in entrance, on the edges, within the again. The entire chest area turns into very comfortable, full of a pleasant pleasantness, a pleasant glow, a pleasant buttery glow within the coronary heart. Simply feeling your complete higher physique coming collectively, unifying, turning into one cohesive lovely, relaxed power.
Now, let’s embody the decrease stomach, significantly the stomach, noticing how the deep respiration out and in is permitting the stomach to nearly give itself a therapeutic massage. The perimeters of the stomach area and the again and the decrease stomach, all of that turning into very relaxed, open, tremendous nice. Feeling some good, easy power all the best way from the underside of the torso to the highest of the pinnacle, each relaxed and open and energized and shiny. Additionally, just a little bit clear, not muddy, sleepy rest, however shiny, clear rest.
Now, the hips, your butt and thighs and knees, decrease legs, calves, shins, toes, and toes, all goes limp–completely relaxed, completely no stress there. Discover now that the entire physique is now one massive glowing area of relaxed nice power, that the breath is each soothing and opening, enjoyable and massaging, and the power is shifting the breath and mixing with the breath in a pleasant approach.
If that’s beginning to resonate for you, you’re beginning to get that sense of the breath, the power and the relaxed muscle tissues collectively, simply let your thoughts dissolve into that. Let your complete consciousness dissolve into that, in order that it turns into the whole lot of your focus, not in a good approach, however in an entire method.
Now, in numerous the Buddhist texts, they’re very clear that area and consciousness are various things. However they usually say that if there may be something that consciousness is like–like a metaphor–it’s area. So, let’s drop into huge spacious consciousness, simply drop every little thing, concentrating on nothing in any respect, and permitting–simply merely–the thoughts to relaxation in huge spacious consciousness. If that’s accessible to you, simply go immediately there. One other approach we are able to do one thing related–not precisely the identical–however very related, is the dropping the ball method, which is a type of ungrasping.
To “do” dropping the ball, anytime the thoughts grabs onto any object of consideration, simply let go of that. If the thoughts grips onto a sound, listening to the sound of that dachshund trotting down the hallway, with numerous pep in its step, you simply hear that click-click-click of its toenails, I’m simply going to let that go. If ideas are arising, one thing about my life, blah, blah, blah, I simply discover that the thoughts is getting excited about that, hanging onto that, I’m simply going to chill out, and let that go. If I’m actually used to meditating on physique sensation, or simply did an entire bunch of that, and my thoughts remains to be going to the physique, and hanging onto the physique, I’m going to, as an alternative, let go of that. So, we’re simply enjoyable and opening the thoughts, enjoyable and opening the thoughts.
I introduced up the dachshund as a result of that’s the canine that we’re metaphorically taking part in fetch with. Remembering my outdated instance that there are canines that like to play fetch who go get the ball, run after it with nice vigor and zest. And so they come again, and dutifully and playfully drop the ball at your toes, as a result of they know that’s the way you decide it up and throw it once more. Now we are able to have this flowing free, open play. However there are some canines–and in my thoughts that canine is a dachshund–that get their mouth on the ball and don’t let go of it. They even convey it again, however simply sit there with the ball clamped of their enamel, growling. And now, the sport is over. You may’t play ball that approach. So, what do we wish the dachshund to do? We wish it to drop the ball. Let go, launch. It’s numerous effort to hold onto that ball and growl, style the saliva of the tennis ball, or no matter. However you wish to simply metaphorically chill out the jaw, drop the ball, and wag your tail. Each time you decide up the ball, you simply drop it once more. If the thoughts picks up a ball, you simply drop it once more and wag your tail. Glad, you simply hold dropping the ball. Really, you’re the world’s worst canine at taking part in fetch, however you’re actually good at each time you decide it up, you simply let go of it once more. You’re straightforward, open, and completely happy. So, let’s apply that.
Persevering with to let go of something that the thoughts grabs onto, I need you to just be sure you’re not getting aversion going. You’re not subtly pushing stuff away, or making it go away, or creating a type of irritation when the thoughts grabs onto issues. That’s simply constructing aversion–we’re not attempting to do this, not attempting to construct not liking. As a substitute, we’re simply opening the thoughts and letting go. Letting go is just not pushing away, it’s not disliking, it’s not attempting to scrape some crap off your boots with a disgusted look in your face. You’re merely enjoyable, and opening, just like the flower is simply blossoming, it’s completely, straightforward, enjoyable, opening, easy. And, regardless of the thoughts was holding onto simply drifts away of its personal accord.
So, you don’t wish to be constructing any aversion. We wish to have a type of holy indifference, or equanimity with no matter arises, after which we’re simply not grabbing onto it. So, there may be fairly a distinction between simply enjoyable and dropping that ball, and kicking the yucky ball away and getting mad and pissed off with it. If you’re doing that, simply drop that, that’s simply extra gripping. In the event you’re attempting to determine, what does he imply?–simply drop all that. That is about simply dropping it, again and again. Something the thoughts is tightening round, the dropping is only a serene opening, a complete letting go. Letting go, letting go, letting go, letting go. Nonetheless awake, nonetheless conscious. Consciousness itself may be very shiny, very clear, very lucid and awake. Letting go of every little thing. Dropping the mom fucking ball.
Good. In fact, you’re welcome to maintain doing that, it’s a beautiful apply. You are able to do it for the remainder of the meditation if you want, that’s completely wonderful. If you wish to hold going, utilizing this open, huge, spacious thoughts that’s relaxed and alert, very broad, very awake, to do some exploration, then, comply with together with me right here. The factor I wish to work with right here is the sense of aid that happens after we drop that ball. As a substitute of merely dropping it and letting go, I need you to really convey just a little little bit of vipashyana readability to that second of letting go. So there’s a little little bit of effort, we’re doing just a little bit extra meditation on function. I need you to note that second of dropping the ball, discover the second of opening the thoughts.
There’s a Zen textual content known as Opening the Fist of the Thoughts, they see that as the same metaphor, as simply enjoyable that fist. In that second of letting go, I need you to note the aid that happens. That aid may be very small, however it’s noticeable. It’s not gigantic, not like a wave of huge rest, pleasure coursing via the physique. It’s just a bit ahh, a tiny little nice letting go of one thing. Then, if the thoughts grasps onto one thing once more, then that stress is just a bit bit disagreeable, and the enjoyable, the letting go – ahh, is a aid, is just a little bit good to let go, to do the ungrasping. So, I need you to–not generate or fabricate or faux or think about that niceness, that pleasantness, that aid of letting go–however enable consciousness itself to be clear, lucid and vivid sufficient to note a way of just a little little bit of ahh. You don’t should cope with that anymore–not aversion–only a type of releasing and letting go. So, see in case you can really feel that nice aid within the ungrasping. You might have to look fastidiously to see that, however, give it a shot.
Persevering with to only drop the ball, chill out the thoughts, however actually getting tremendous clear about that second of letting go, the second of enjoyable away from the article, and noticing the pleasantness, the gentle little frizzon or thrill of enjoyment at letting go.
Good. Now we’re going to attempt one thing just a little totally different. As a substitute of letting go, or dropping the ball, or enjoyable the thoughts in the best way we’ve got been doing, I need you to permit consciousness to only discover that the article itself goes away. If we don’t grasp on, the article will dissolve, vanish, it would change into dreamlike or wispy like fog, smoke, or a cleaning soap bubble of its personal accord. Even when we don’t let go, objects themselves reveal their vacancy and start to fade. And, as the article vanishes, the sense of with the ability to grasp it, to hold onto it would dissolve as nicely. Every time the article fades or dissolves or falls aside or quiets down after which vanishes, the greedy, the gripping vanishes too.
So, simply discover which you could not solely drop the ball, not solely chill out, open and let go, however the objects themselves are already doing that. If we don’t grasp on and attempt to hold them collectively, hold them clear or stable with a type of stress within the thoughts, they simply dissolve of their very own accord. So, in a approach, they drop themselves. Right here we’re going to let the ball drop itself, or, discover that the ball isn’t a ball, the ball is empty, dissolving, is just like the wind, is a dream. If that’s too bizarre, simply come again to noticing the aid of dropping the ball.
Discover that every time an object fades, a notion vanishes, dissolves, relaxes, lets go, reveals its vacancy, exhibits its dream-like nature. Every time that occurs, there’s a related aid, the same letting go, type of an interior aahh, every time an object does this dance of opening, enjoyable, letting go, fading, dissolving, going away. That very same kind of pleasantness is obtainable. So simply discover that.
Bear in mind to increase this to things that initially you’re not even conscious that you’re holding onto, such because the sense of consciousness coming from a selected place within the physique, the physique sensations of that place; such because the sense of feeling the chair or cushion beneath you, or the psychological photos of the room round you. All this stuff we let be there, these orienting fabrications. See in case you can discover that these are dissolving, unfabricating, deconstructing, fading, demonstrating their vacancy additionally. And, in the event that they open up like that, at first it’s a serious aid. They could come again, or it is perhaps just a little disorienting. If they arrive again, simply discover that they fade once more. Whether it is disorienting, discover that that sense of disorientation is a few thought, some emotion that can also be fading, dissolving, enjoyable, opening, demonstrating its vacancy. So, herald a way of aid when it does.
Now, simply chill out and let go, deeper than you might have ever relaxed and let go earlier than. Enable consciousness to drop, drop, drop, deeper, deeper, an increasing number of expansive, extra letting go of every little thing, letting go fully, falling backwards, down, down, down, letting go, opening, enjoyable, letting go. Any time something begins to come up, discover that it dissolves into vacancy. The bottom, the environment, the sense of the physique, the sense of a thoughts, the sense of the world, the sense of getting a historical past, of being an individual, of any response to expertise, the sense of meditating, the sense of doing something, of being something, noticing something in any respect–dissolves, fades and vanishes, again and again and over. Preserve going. Don’t relaxation, hold permitting vacancy to disclose itself in any resting place. That is falling via area, nothing to impede the drop, and, on the identical time, nothing and no person dropping, and no area, and no route, and no time, and nothing that’s not fully empty in all instructions. Simply extremely ball drop. Let go, let go, drop every little thing, in all places in each route, completely empty, vanishing, not even there.
Not resting even now, persevering with to launch, noticing the vacancy even within the sense of doing something, the sense of being anybody, the sense of noticing something in any respect. Consciousness itself–empty. Self and world–empty. Every little thing is totally empty, providing no floor, no place to land, nobody falling, no refuge. Besides, in fact, the huge aid of that a lot vacancy, that a lot letting go, ungrasping, large wave of nice aid. Nearly a tsunami of letting go, of aid.
And, now, permitting issues to start to solidify once more, materialize once more. Possibly permitting some self and world to come up, permitting there to be orientation, route, area, floor, a spot to face, a spot to be. Imagining now, in your thoughts, the extremely lovely, celestial sound of a single bell ringing, as we finish the meditation. Enable your self to come back again to your self, in a way. Fabricating sufficient to orient to the room round you. Feeling free to maneuver and stretch. Opening your eyes, shifting your head just a little bit, to orient to the room. Feeling your physique, gently shifting your fingers and toes, and on the point of ask some questions.
One of many concepts we’re taking part in with right here is that there’s a gripping of the thoughts onto objects that has a sure stress or unpleasantness related to it. Once we both let go of the article, both we’re not greedy onto it, or we’re letting it go as an object–which means that we enable it to change into a non-object, we enable it to dissolve and vanish, which is one other type of ungrasping–we’re going to discover this aid. It’s a aid from dukkha, the ache of hanging onto that factor. So, as we let go or discover the vacancy, and chill out, it permits an actual sense of pleasantness to come up, which is the shortage of unpleasantness. The unpleasantness dissolves, then we’re noticing that that feels good.
It’s an fascinating conundrum as a result of we do wish to expertise the world as beautiful, shiny, colourful, highly effective, fascinating, and on the identical time, there may be the sense that if we seize onto it in such a approach that we make an actual, stable object out of it, that may have its personal unpleasantness related to it. That may be disagreeable. So there may be this in-between zone that’s lovely, the place we’re interacting with the world skillfully, powerfully, and on the identical time there’s a actual sense of it being a dream, and that at any second it might dissolve. At any second we are able to let go, open up, so we’re absolutely concerned within the divine play, the lila. We aren’t backing out, or rejecting, or avoiding it, and in addition absolutely conscious that it’s a play, a dream, that may basically dissolve and open in that approach. It’s a really lovely, highly effective approach of understanding.
Michael:Any questions on this?
Questioner 1: Are you able to touch upon the seeming disconnect from the drop-the-ball state and with the ability to behave on the planet?
Michael: That’s what I’m commenting on. If we sit down, and are good and nonetheless, we are able to do that tremendous, final dropping of the ball–actually letting go in a really deep approach. If, then again, we have to keep away from visitors and minimize greens for dinner, as a result of we’re consuming at residence, and we’re getting good at cooking, placing peanut butter on a rice cake, we don’t wish to break the rice cake. In the event you’re misplaced in a dropping the ball place, your rice cake is perhaps in danger, so that you do wish to let it come collectively just a little bit. Not simply immediately discover the vanishing, however as an alternative, benefit from the play, benefit from the upwelling of the world, noticing its show, and the show of you with it, and entering into it, participating in a approach.
So, there’s just a little little bit of non-dropping the ball, just a little little bit of coming collectively–and that’s wonderful, as a result of, when you perceive that, in a Matrix type of approach, there is no such thing as a ball, it’s empty and vanishing anyway, which is what we have been doing on this meditation. Noticing which you could let go, or you may simply discover there’s nothing there to let go of within the first place. When you get good at that, then we are able to play with these in-between zones of engagement with the world and with every little thing fascinating, highly effective, lovely, terrible, horrible, tragic factor of life, we are able to interact with it very absolutely, very fully, whereas nonetheless by no means fairly shopping for its object-ness. We’re at all times capable of dissolve into the dream at any second. That’s the place the interaction occurs, the place the power occurs. I do know that sounds just a little paradoxical, however it’s only paradoxical if we are attempting to be absolutists. Once we let issues have some grey zones, some in-between areas to play, it begins to make extra sense. It’s not simply dropping the ball vs. not dropping the ball, it’s extra about, are you able to discover that the ball is a dream to start with.
Questioner 2: Somebody is saying that the continual dropping the ball felt effortful.
Michael: Discover that that sense of it feeling effortful is empty. Discover that in case you are attempting, it’s merely that the behavior of grabbing again on is absolutely sticky. So, that’s the half to note the dream of, discover it’s dissolving, it’s emptying out, and is empty of itself. And, who’s it that looks like they’re attempting to start with? Go deeper, not into the, “boy, this feels effortful”, however deeper into “who’s it that feels there may be effort occurring anyway?”
Questioner 3: You talked about that consciousness and area are analogous modalities.
Michael: Really, I didn’t say they have been analogous, I stated that area is a metaphor for consciousness.
Questioner 4: Generally after I’m dropping the ball, I ponder if I’m confabulating consciousness and huge spacious consciousness, or fabricating self.
Michael: Nicely, don’t fabricate, in case you are. If you’re delicate sufficient to pay attention to that, simply let go of that. If you’re simply sitting there questioning, am I fabricating? Nicely, that questioning is its personal further fabrication that you’re hanging onto, so drop that questioning, or discover it’s dissolving, or let it go. So, in case you are noticing the fabrication, drop that. If, then again, it’s simply an mental query, that’s even a lot simpler to drop and let go of, as a result of we’re noticing its co-dependent arising, its development. Every little thing is co-constructing.
So, in case you have a tripod, you solely should knock out one leg–it may be any one of many three, however you solely should knock out one leg, and the entire thing falls over. So, we chill out the hand, that’s a type of letting go; we discover the vacancy, that one other leg of the tripod. Really, it’s a 5-legged tripod–there are different legs we are able to knock out–however you solely must knock out certainly one of them to get this impact.
I seen through the meditation that I’m getting used to only speaking to this telephone on this empty bunker, and on the identical time, I’m actually conscious of you guys on the market. A variety of you I do know personally, numerous you I’ve by no means met personally, however I’ve talked with you a bunch on the telephone, or on the web, or by way of electronic mail, and so, I’m actually noticing a sense of affection and togetherness, and simply lacking you. Simply saying hello, I’m so glad you’re on the market.
So, earlier than we get too misplaced within the vacancy soup, and it feels like I’m spewing nonsense–regardless that I’m truly saying one thing that’s core Buddhist philosophy. Earlier than we get too misplaced in that, I simply wish to keep in mind to say, hey, you guys, I like you, I miss you, I can’t wait until we are able to get collectively once more and meditate. I’m going to do much more on-line stuff, as a result of that’s what we’re about, for the following month a minimum of in California. So, that’s how we’re doing it. It looks like you’re quiet tonight on the questions. Be at liberty to touch upon the video afterward, or ship me an electronic mail on the deconstructingyourself.com web site to inform me the way it’s going, how you want or dislike the meditations. See you guys subsequent week.
Help extra movies like this contributing on Patreon.
