(By Vi?t Ân – Writer of READ REGRET BURN)
Awakening is meant to set you free.
However what if, for a lot of, it has merely turn into a subtler type of bondage?
Within the early phases of “religious awakening,” there’s usually an awesome sense of marvel. A sense that life has cracked open, revealing a hidden dimension of reality.
It feels pure, genuine, exhilarating.
However because the preliminary glow fades, one thing else quietly creeps in: the determined have to keep awake.
You start chasing a state.
You seek for indicators that you simply’re “deep sufficient,” “conscious sufficient,” “non-attached sufficient.”
You learn, meditate, give up, observe, breathe — something to keep up the delicate excessive of realization.
You now not worship an exterior god.
Now, you worship the state of “awakeness” itself.
And identical to that, awakening turns into the brand new dependancy.
Buying and selling One Phantasm for One other
Probably the most harmful traps aren’t those that seem like cages.
They’re those that seem like freedom.
You now not bow on the altar of faith.
You bow on the altar of mindfulness, presence, non-duality, or transcendence.
You don’t pray to a deity.
You pray, silently, to the sensation of being past all of it.
The human want for identification — for certainty — by no means left. It merely modified its costume.
Now it whispers: “I’m the one who is aware of.” “I’m the one who has seen.” “I’m now not asleep like the remainder.”
This religious identification, sarcastically, turns into even tougher to acknowledge — as a result of it wears humility as a masks.
Awakening as a Efficiency
At a sure level, awakening stops being a lived actuality — and turns into a efficiency.
You converse slower.
You smile extra gently.
You pause earlier than answering, as if knowledge is dripping from the silence.
You consider you’re embodying presence, however subtly, you’re appearing out the position of “the woke up one.”
It’s not aware.
It’s not malicious.
It’s merely what the thoughts does — construct identities, even within the ruins of the outdated ones.
And the extra sincerely you attempt to “keep awake,” the deeper you entrench your self within the new position.
The Habit to Interior States
True dependancy is to not substances or actions.
It’s to emotions.
And awakening affords one of the crucial intoxicating emotions of all:
The sense that you’re free from the bizarre human mess.
That you simply’re standing aside. Above.
You turn into addicted to not life, however to a specific method of feeling alive:
Clear. Silent. Indifferent. Current.
Any disturbance, anger, sorrow, concern, appears like failure.
You scramble to “come again” to your heart.
You subtly reject the human expertise, whereas pretending to simply accept all of it.
This isn’t freedom.
It’s religious suppression, with a gorgeous title.
There’s Nowhere to Keep
The reality is brutal and delightful:
You can not keep awake.
There’s no “you” that may maintain onto awakening.
There’s no “state” to keep up.
Actuality doesn’t crystallize right into a everlasting feeling of readability.
It flows. It breaks. It forgets itself. It remembers. It collapses once more.
Any try to know a set interior state, even “pure consciousness” , is already ego in movement.
Actual awakening shatters all states, even those labeled “woke up.”
It leaves nothing to cling to, not even vacancy.
Awakening Is the Finish of the One Who Awakens
The ultimate paradox:
The second you already know you’re awake, you aren’t.
As a result of the one who is aware of — remains to be somebody.
And so long as somebody stays, the sport continues.
Actual awakening just isn’t an expertise to rejoice.
It’s not a situation to keep up.
It’s the evaporation of the experiencer altogether.
No self watching.
No self arriving.
No self staying.
Simply life, uncooked and unsupervised.
A Last Phrase
For those who’re bored with chasing awakening, bored with pretending you’ve arrived, bored with performing presence, possibly that’s grace knocking.
Perhaps it’s time to overlook even the thought of awakening itself.
As a result of actual freedom just isn’t waking up.
It’s realizing there was by no means anybody asleep.
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Wanting ahead to listening to your ideas!
